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Has it been this long???????

Hello Darlings:)

I can't believe it has been since July of last year that i have posted to my LJ:) I am glad to say that I am back and loving every second of it! I can't wait to finish my stories and I cannot wait to hear from people again!

VD you have a bunch of pic spams coming your way!!!!

My god!! Welcome back to the world Mrs_NOrthman lol!


This is a notice to warn you about an abusive user called fort_kanji. If this person adds you, DO NOT ADD HIM BACK. He has a history of enabling, cyber stalking, and harassing younger women.

The user fort_kanji, known in real life as Lohr Miller, is a close-to-sixty year old who lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He constructs an identity for himself on Livejournal that is predicated on pseudo-intellectualism and thinly veiled misogyny, racism, and sizeism. He values what he called BRDYTW girls, which stands for "bookish reclusive dangerously younger train wrecky," a new acronym to stand in for an older adjective he invented based on the condition of cachexia, in which a person suffering from cancer or another chronic disease loses weight and muscular strength as a result of the disease. These girls are invariably white; he has a history of coldly dissociating from nonwhite women because of their racial or ethnic identity. These girls are also preferably underage or in their early twenties. Mr. Miller has had a history of supporting and enabling eating disorders, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse in young women.

Additionally, Mr. Miller, upon acquiring contact information for young women he adds on Livejournal, proceeds to contact them relentlessly, often with unwanted levels of communication. In a single evening, Mr. Miller sends 3-4 mass e-mails on average--sometimes as many as 8 or 9--bemoaning his loneliness and giving his telephone number to anyone who might want to call. He is the Internet equivalent to a crazy ex drinking a bottle of wine alone at 2am, only he does it almost weekly. Worse, if given a mailing address, Mr. Miller sends unbelievable quantities of sexually explicit letters, postcards, and large boxes of books, often multiple numbers of each in a month. In one (read: my) case, it took threats of calling authorities to finally get Mr. Miller to stop. He has also been known to comb the Internet looking for any information about young women who have already blocked him on Livejournal, and writes entries that (a) detail their goings-on and writes explicitly sexual entries about them or (b) deliberately distorts or twists the realities of the source material.

The Internet is a public forum, and people can say what they want. However, Lohr Miller or fort_kanji has time and time again abused the privilege of access to young women's thoughts and experiences and defamed their images in his own self-interest. He anonymously harasses women in efforts to fool them into responding, he deliberately deletes e-mails imploring him to stop harassment and purports not to have gotten them and/or opened them, he deliberately "misunderstands" arguments for not talking to him and plays the victim. He stalks young women's whereabouts and posts them in his blog--this includes street addresses!

Listen. Ladies, he's sent Corona bottles and knives to girls and asked them to use them as dildos. He thinks that white girls listening to hip-hop means they are sleeping with black men, and fetishizes racist scenarios of gangs of black men raping a single white woman. Seriously. Do not talk to this guy. Do not indulge him by answering his questions. Do not let him flirt with you. DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR CONTACT INFO.

And to make it easier, here are his usernames on every social networking site you could ever dream of. Isolate him and make it airtight.
http://raven72d.diaryland.com/ <-- public version of his Livejournal

As well as e-mail addresses:

CROSSPOST THIS GENEROUSLY, even if you don't know him. He adds a lot of girls, a lot of them who have no idea what his deal is. LiveJournal's done nothing to sanction this guy and he needs to get the picture that what he does is not okay!


So as of recently, I have been thinking a lot about what my life would have been like it if I had changed some things when I was younger. I don't think that I would change anything, but thinking about my life now and the mistakes I've made before, I don't feel like I've grown any, but I now am drug free and mostly alcohol free as well.

Thinking about when I was younger and the bands I used to listen to, the most influencial to me was Layne Staley of Alice in Chains and Mad Season. I learned from his mistakes and it made my life a little more full. I think about Layne often, he is even on my Blackberry screen eveytime I look at it. To say that I miss him is under statement. I can almost feel the same grief that I did when I first heard that he had passed on. I've spent hours listening to his music, not taking anything away from Jerry, and spend much more time reading and learning more about his actual life.

I never knew him, although I'm sure that if I did I would still feel the same. I've grieved over Layne and in short have become more attached to him.

For Layne,

My heart aches
Feeling alone inside myself
My overwhelming urge to end
This whole world
Comes crashing down around me

Your voice
Like a break in the clouds
Your smile
Like the beautiful setting sun
Brings a smile to my face
The pain stops
If only for a minute
I think of you

The eyes to my soul
Are dead
My heart is broken
My tears fall heavy against
my skin
Leaving my world cold

I see you
In my dreams
You comfort me
Your arms around me
Singing softly in my ear
I miss you
My tears are for you.

This is for Layne Staley.
This is my heart.
I don't care if you think I'm obsessed or crazy, I miss him.


So today was an ok day. I'm really feeling that I have to re-connect with my friends and family. I have made some really awesome friends over the last few years and they have stuck with me, even with all the crap I do they somehow put up with me! I love them more than life!!

THis is also another piece of the happiness I have!! I love the idea of what Ville is in my head and his music is amazing!!
I love HIM. First time I heard them, I fell in love with his voice and I'm still in love with his voice. The band is amazing every time I've seen them live and they are just incredible to me.

In the end, I have my family and friends, and the beautiful voice of Ville Valo.

Thanks for reading my rant.


a soft and gentle word

I"m here to just say some lovely words.

I miss my old apartment.
I miss my best friend.

Those are the nice words I want to say.


My Boys


Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye, *Goodbye*

In my personal opinion no greater lyrics have been written.

This was written by James Hetfield
Music was written by Cliff Burton, Lars Ulrich and Kirk Hammett
I am in a severe amount of pain right now.

I can't tell you how much this hurts...feels like my insides are being ripped out of me and someone is doing a riverdance on my ovaries. Hurts like a son of bitch.

Just thought that I would write that down because the pain is so intense that I need a way to get my mind concentrating on other things to just take it away for a few minutes. It's going from the front to the back and all the way down my legs making them feel like jello.

this is the only time I ever hate being a woman...I hope that it only lasts a few days.

Ode To My Period

Oh why oh why
Do you hurt me this way
Like a knife stabbing away
My insides on fire with pain
For goodness sakes
Take it away

You come but once a month
And leave your angry touch
Felt deep inside
I hate you so much
No matter what I do
You always win

I will have to live with you
Until I'm 60
Can't you just give me a break
Maybe every once in a while.
I don't have a subject title....

I'm hanging out in my bedroom going through some old photos and I'm finding more and more pictures of ex's and stuff. Don't want to have to go through them but alas I need to clean out the old to make room for the new.

It's been a week that I've been cleaning out my old life.

Not been fun but I've been working hard at it and it's almost done! Ciao for Now Bella's!

Just because I love Lady G so much!

Something I was Toying with

I think it turned out quite nicely as well:)